I begin this blogging adventure only to say that I am very very excited. How fun to be able to share what is on my heart with the ones I love (not to mention I can send pics along too). I have been following lately the Kelly's Korner Blog- it is all about her new precious baby girl (Harper). It never ceases to amaze me how God can touch you through another's trials. It takes me back instantly to one of my darkest places- the NICU. Most of you know the story of Ashton's existence with the bed rest and the NICU time, but few can relate. As a mother not being able to hold your precious gift after birth is horrible- unimaginable. I'm a journaler and when I read over those entries- whew the water works came back instantly...
It is important (I think) to share where you have been only to show where you are headed.
In the beginning:
"every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for a future only He can see"- (unk)
(these are excerpts from my journal)
::November 2, 2006
I am clinging to that right now. We are just now 12wks today and the term "bed rest" has begun. "What does that mean?", many people ask- well just as it implies without the rest. I may "toilet & shower" in the words of Dr Byron, and stay in bed. We have a 40% chance of a viable delivery, but only if we adhere to the plan. My baby boy or girl, I do now know- waits and so must I. Joey- master of calming me- phoned in Cooner (my mom) and she is in pursuit. What a blessing to have a sweet mother. Thanks be to God for her and Daddy. My darling Priss, really unclear of the whole new process, constantly asks questions- Momma, can you please come up to my room?, Momma why are you crying? do you want to play dancing statues? can you make me a snack? when is my daddy coming back home? Her precious voice is both soothing and heartbreaking. I wish that I could have a child-like approach to this big-girl dilemma too. NO, I must be strong for her and my tiny gal (or maybe guy) on the way.
::well can you believe it????
it's a BOY!!!
I know I am in shock too! What will I do Lord with a boy? I know you are in control, but as you already know- you created me to be 110% girl..... Father please continue to grow him healthy daily- give me the patience to endure this bed rest. I can do all things through you, who gives me strength. Phil 4:13
::I am lonely today- I do not know why, but I am certain that it is not from you. My flesh is weak along with my spirit. Priss is away at school today- and I miss her desperately. WOW what precious people you have brought into my life... The gals @ pre-school have arranged a car-pool schedule to get Priss home everyday. My neighbors have posted a sign-up sheet for meals to be brought in every other night for the next month. And the BUNCO girls are sending in a house cleaner- what a treat! God thank you for everything. I suddenly feel you right here with me. Who am I Father to deserve all of your precious gifts. Help me to be more thankful and be able to share this experience with others someday for YOUR glory. I know that you can be exalted in my trials so I say "thank you".
::I have started planning his room, it is still funny for me to say "his"- Ashton Tate or Ashton Honor-. The verdict is still out on the middle name. Father grow him strong for you and your kingdom and prepare my heart for his coming- let me be patient. Oh how I long to hold his tiny body and kiss his hands and feet. I can't wait to dress him up like a little man- his closet is already filled with tiny khakis and polo shirts- how precious he will look, handsome like his daddy.
::My bed rest has turned into "light duty" we are now....... 34 weeks- YEAH!!! WOW praise God for sustaining us through this journey. The swing-set arrives today and Prissy is beside herself. She can't wait to do all of the "girl stuff" that I promised once the boy arrives. We are going to leave the boys at home and run off to fancy land (the Disney store) and just hang out! I so miss my time with my Priss. I fear that I have somehow lost a part of her through all of this. All of those times calling out for me in the night, soon the momma changing to daddy.... My heart would break as a lay in bed listening to them from the monitor. But how proud I was of Joey. What a great work you have created in him Lord- I know that you are pleased. I have always sorta thought of him as my little Moses- leading me out of troubled waters...
::Yeah- I am having a fantastic day!!! Praise the Lord my spirits are high and so is my hair (I am not sure what is up with that, maybe all of the vitamins) and my ankles are really not so bad! Let the nesting begin.... Is there anything more precious that tiny baby clothes hanging up to dry in the laundry room??? Thank you Jesus that my mind is clear and that I can start my day with prayers of Thanksgiving!!!!!
::April 20th 2007
I am about to bring another life into the world- what an honor & a joy as a woman. I am so grateful to have been able to make it this far and soon bring my Ashton Honor home. Father give him a sweet spirit just like his big sister, make his heart tender like his momma, and Lord PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make him bold for YOU like his daddy. Oh and one more tiny thing.... please make his eyes brown..............
taken just before leaving to deliver:
Ashton Honor Harris
born April 21, 2007- shares a b-day with daddy Bud!