Monday, April 05, 2010

"It's tough being a woman..."

O-kay so I know that I said the last session with my Esther study was the best... I was wrong! This week's session was the BEST!!!! She talked about how "It's Tough Being a Woman in the Tight Fist of Fear". We considered (shutter the thought) facing our fears & the "what ifs" (could someone PLEASE put the stick down- that poor horse is dead in my head). I learned that I get to decided how I am gonna do the what that I have to do. He will not leave me to do it, but He will meet me in it! PRAISE GOD for that alone. I was convicted about being brave- I knew that I wasn't born that way, but I was okay not trying to become that way- does this make sense??? My biggest fears & worst thoughts are about death... mostly with my precious Joey. I often pray "Please Lord get him home safe to me... Now Lord I mean home home- to our house Lord, not to your house, mine.. O-kay. Lord PLEASE bring him home to ME!" I cry this prayer weekly- like when it's 5 minutes past when I know I should have heard the garage door. Anyway- it is truly crippling & so this week I asked God what I should do. I played out the worst case scenario in my head with this question:

And if______________, then_________________.

huh... first I finished it with- then I would die too. Really? Would I really die- NO I would not, I would certainly want to I'm sure for a time, but the ONLY right response would have to be- then my God would take care of me!

So I asked myself 1 last thing? Am I 1 mistake away from Him leaving me this way? NO I am not- because HE that is in me is NOT giving up on me.... Amen!

p.s. today "I'm overcoming myself" & guess what I've learned so far? I'm WAY tougher than I look!

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