Monday, November 09, 2009

"let's go for a walk..."

I have a VERY anxious spirit (although I joke about it @ times). It sometimes almost cripples me to the point that I question my own faith. Scary, but true! I find that my devotions are the ONLY glue that permanently secures my soul to the cross. I do not often even speak of these things (maybe it's pride or maybe it's the fact that saying it out loud gives life to it)! Anyway I am telling ya'll this only to ask for you prayers & to maybe somehow actually help someone too along the way? I was reading today in John about the man at the pool & I saw myself there for the first time. I was him questioning God & having reservations on whether or not I could be free of this?

God asked the man- "Do you want to get well?" "Sir," the man replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred..."

To me he asks- "Do you believe that I am in control (EVEN of your kiddos), Ashly?"

"Well, I do. But the thing is, I love them SO much that sometimes I think that I know them best. I worry about them ALWAYS. I want to be free of this stronghold of worry & anxiety but..."

And gently, I hear Him whisper again.

"Do you want to get well?

"Yes, Lord."

And that's what I should have said the first time. Because by saying yes to this question, I am showing that I have a little thing called faith. And it's kind of a big deal in the Bible. You might even say it's a theme!

It has nothing to do with the stirring, and everything to do with the stirrer.

Which is exactly why He asks.

And when Jesus hears my the man's rambling, doubtful answer, He tells him to be obedient and to disregard the pool. He doesn't need water, just a willing servant.

"Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." (John 5:8)

So he did.

Now, at this point I need to state the obvious. He may not heal you the way you may think that you want Him to, or do what you think is "best" in your timing.

I've been sitting by this darn pool my whole life. I've relied on others & myself for most of my years. I'm sick of complaining about the stirring and making excuses when things aren't going the way I want them to go.

He is in our midst, and if you love Him the way I hope you do, listen for Him in the stillness of your thoughts.

"Do you want to get well?"

In my mind, I hear Him asking it a little differently..."Do you believe I can take take care of them & your anxious spirit?"

Well, yes. Of course I do.

I'm not relying on feeble statistics and human ability. My God is asking me a question and I will do the only thing I know how to do.

Kneel deep and nod yes, believing that He can handle the rest.

After all, it's His house of mercy. His unending grace and love.

Whether it's been 31 minutes or 31 years you've been waiting, one thing is for sure. He is the same God now as He was in Jerusalem years ago.

So get up, friend.

It's time to walk.

1 comment:

  1. wow-very true and profound my dear friend. i remember before i had corbin and you would tell me how much you worried about your babes, i would think, it's not that hard ash, just give it to Jesus. but since july 4, 2009 i have a whole new outlook on what you were really talking about. worrying about our kids adds a WHOLE NEW DIMENSION to the word WORRY. But you and I are still correct about what to do with that worry......but being correct and actually doing something about it are two different things. So i'm walking with ya now!!! and please forgive me for ever thinking that maybe you worry about your kids too much-i just didin't have a clue!!! LOVE YOU!!!